


Jaamies

by Born In Captivity- Ineligible to Release (Jashasedai)



Series: Alternate Universe - Tame Racing Drivers [16]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, Motorcycling RPF, motocross - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- Tame Racing Drivers, Doubles of Every Character, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 11:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10920495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jashasedai/pseuds/Born%20In%20Captivity-%20Ineligible%20to%20Release
Summary: In an AU where a secret species is used as Racing Drivers, some matches must answer a greater need.When he is asked to give up everything that ever mattered, and his match can't help, who will Jaamies turn to?Kimi and Jaamies are back in a brand new adventure.Thanks Eknodine for all the advice and support.





	1. Photographs McLaren Main Training Facility (McLaren Stables)

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the Tame Racing Drivers AU. Check the series summary.
> 
> This story is a parallel of Gone Cold.  
> Which can be found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8302064

**Photographs**  
**McLaren Main Training Facility (McLaren Stables)**

 

Visiting the McLaren stable, even after retirement was such an important thing to Emerson. The new generations of Drivers were learning, training and growing up here. The boys and men who would wear McLaren colors, and all the other colors on their way up.

  
He liked to coordinate with James Hunt on visits to the stable. James was a good time. His Pretty Boy was an absolute flirt and the four of them had a grand time touring the facility and meeting the new personnel.

  
Some days, Emerson regretted turning down the opportunity to become a Trainer. Loup had the capacity for it, certainly. He'd have made an excellent instructor.

  
Emerson watched him with the young colts in the exercise yard. It was about 75 feet to a side and had some concrete, some grass and a neat stack of discarded tires, stacked on their sides with a plastic tarp over them.

  
'Now when you do it it is important to wind it up just right.' He made a low grunt in his throat that sounded like "Eh?" The engine rumble so smooth and low as to sound human enough to pass for a questioning grunt.

  
The little Racing Drivers around him attempted this with various winding out small engine noises. One of them made a noise that sounded like a fart and they all laughed.

  
Boys were boys were boys.

  
"Crude," James rolled his eyes, but he had a smile on his face, because boys were boys were boys. "The twins are at it again." He stood up from their seated position by the wall of the stable and walked over to the stack of discarded tires. The plastic tarp was partly intended to keep the pile from being dismantled and played with. It should have deterred climbers, but atop the ten foot stack were two six year olds. Pale little boys with blonde curls that hadn't been cut yet this season.

  
[You!] James called, pointing at the one in black. The stack was about 6 feet across at the top, and the boy scampered to the far edge and hunkered down so the top of his head was the only thing visible. [You, then!] James pointed at the one who remained visible. "I can't remember their names," he hissed over his shoulder at Emerson.

  
Emerson laughed. "They have no names, James, only numbers." He pronounced the J as an H, as was the way in Portuguese.

  
"Dammit, Fittipaldi, help a fellow out," James groaned.

  
"His name is 9552HiMay1976. The black one is 9551GiMay1976. Himay, like your name, James."

  
"Jamie? You can't name him after me."

  
"Certainly! Look how like you he is, he has the golden curly hair and the sauciness, and look how he loves to fly. Jamie and Gimmie, the little monkey twins."

  
The White looked down at them. [We see outside. Good outside, we go there.]

  
[Go there now?] The other boy, laying on his belly with his arms hanging over the edge now, gestured to the men.

  
[Not now, Gimmie.] James smiled. [Soon, when you are old enough to race, you are fast, it will be soon.]

  
[Now you must come down to us, it is not for boys to be perched in high, dangerous places,] Emerson told them.

  
[We jump down,] Jamie said. Gimmie clambered to his feet. [You catch us.]

  
There was no time to argue, because he flung himself off the stack of tires, arms wide. Fearless. Straight at James.

  
His brother followed suit, leaping for Emerson.

  
James caught Jamie in open arms, and the boy giggled in sheer glee. Emerson setting down his own giggling six-year old, watched James's face soften.

  
[When I am old enough to race, I will always be on top of things, instead of on the boring old ground.] Jamie gestured when James had lowered him to the ground.

  
[Will you? Good boy.] James ruffled the mussy golden hair. [If climbing things makes you happy, you should do it.]

  
Jamie grabbed Gimmie's hand and they ran across the yard at top speed, breaking apart and chasing each other in zigging, zagging circles.

  
"You have made a friend," Emerson remarked.

  
Before they left for the day, Emerson got out his Polaroid camera and had James and Pretty Boy, and the twin colts pose for a picture. Every year when they returned, he took an updated version.

  
Two blonde, long haired adults, a man and a Racing Driver, and two fair skinned, blonde, long haired boys, both Racing Drivers. On the back was written-

  
**James, Pretty Boy, Jaime and Gimme(age 6)- 1982**

  
The next picture they were all wearing sunglasses and making mean faces.

  
In the next picture the boys were a little taller and their hair was longer.

  
The next picture the four of them were making shocked expressions, like they'd seen something terrifying rising behind the camera.

  
The next year was different silly faces, and the boys were getting taller and skinnier.

  
In 1987 the boys hair was dramatically shorter, and all four were making silly faces. The notation read-

  
**'These guys just can't stay serious'**

  
In the 1988 picture, Gimmie had a cast on his arm, but a huge smile. The notation said-

  
**'Gimmie had a big shunt, but he keeps smiling.'**

  
The next picture was of James, Pretty Boy and Jamie. Their smiles were brittle, and had Jamie had his arm tightly around James' waist, and James had his arms around the boy's shoulders. The notation said-

  
**"James, Pretty Boy and Jamie(age 12)- 1989."** Beneath this in pencil it said- **"The year we lost Gimmie."**

  
Another picture, Jamie's hair short again. James and Pretty Boy flexing, standing on either side of him, so one arm on either side was flexed, and Jamie was flexing both arms in the classic pose.

  
In the next picture, Jamie was taller and thinner, almost James' height, now. He had his hand bandaged with white gauze and tape. There was no honourable notation about this. Just the names and dates as usual.

  
The picture was the same as usual, except Pretty Boy was blinking. The notation read-

  
**"Pretty Boy was too tired to stay awake for the picture."**

  
In the next picture Jamie and Pretty Boy were next to each other, embracing in half a hug. This was the first picture in which Jamie was not pressed against James. The notation read-

  
**"Pretty Boy and Jamie(age 17)-1993. R.I.P. James (1947-1993)"**

  
In the next picture, Jamie was putting on muscle, standing next to Emerson and Loup. The photograph looked much more modern. They were all looking surprised in the automatic flash. The notation read-

  
**"Emerson and Loup filling in for absent friends. Jaime in the middle(age 18)-1994"**

  
The next picture was of Emerson, Loup and Jamie all flexing. This time Jamie was wearing a short sleeve shirt, and his stocky build and muscles were impressive. The notation read-

  
**"Emerson, Loup and Jamie(age 19) put on the 1995 gun show."**

 

The next picture the three of them were making delighted faces and pointing at a blank faced Kimi. The notation read-

  
**"Jaamies found a friend, look how excited he is to be here! Jaamies(age 20) Kimi(age17) Emerson and Loup-1996"**

 

**NATO Temporary Incarceration Facility- 2017**

  
Kimi laughed. He had seen the rest of these pictures, in 2002 they all wore incredibly tall, striped cat-in-the-hat hats. One every year he and Jaamies had been at McLaren during Emerson's winter break visit. He'd never seen the others, though.

  
He set them gently back in the box, with the handwritten account of their first visit.

  
"Thought you should have these, mate. Took em out of the evidence boxes before I gave em to the lawyers," Mark said.

  
Kimi pushed the box towards him. "I don't want them to get lost. Please take them to Rami."

  
"Did you know? About Hunt?"

  
Kimi shook his head. "I knew he knew him, that he'd influenced Jaamies, I didn't know this."

  
"I'm glad you could see them."

  
"I am, too, thank you, Mark. For gathering all of this." He looked him in the eye. "I am glad you have been a part of this fight."

  
Mark gestured around the prison visitor center. "Even considering all of this?"

  
The guard came over. Kimi waited while his hands were uncuffed from the table. He stood and the guard attached the handcuffs to the waist of his orange jumpsuit. He nodded, open and honest, "Especially because of all of this."


	2. Belong to Everyone McLaren Training Center 1998

**Belong to Everyone**   
**McLaren Training Center 1998**

 

The track was slow today. The rally Drivers were outside, taking advantage of the rare nice weather to race outside. Jaamies stood a few steps away from Kimi, who was just standing around sort of staring at the wall on the far side of the track arena. There was no one practicing, but the handlers were dividing them into sets of two bond pairs per track. The other matches were making human chattering noises, like a flock of birds, meaningless to anyone but themselves. Jaamies felt a little sorry that the other human boys weren't talking to his match. Kimi must be very lonely. Jaamies liked to talk to him, but not all the time. Jaamies was a White Racing Driver, he wasn't as needy about touch, about constantly talking to and being with his match.

  
Besides, Kimi was weird.

  
He felt bad for thinking this, and he wouldn't ever tell anyone he thought so, but Kimi just stood there while everything went on around him. He didn't even react. It wasn't that he was stupid. He spoke very clearly in gestures and sending. They had only been sending for a few weeks, but Kimi hadn't had to have the need for secrecy explained to him.

  
'Maybe those other humans want to hear about the fun trip you went on with Rami?' Jaamies sent to him. Kimi was younger than he, and he felt responsible for his happiness, for making opportunities.

  
'No,' Kimi sent back.

  
The handlers took Sugarboy and Kiddo away to race on the next track. Leaving only two bond pairs standing together.

  
It was not really polite to ignore his partner, but if he wasn't going to make an effort to make friends, it would just get uncomfortable if he tried to force him. Jaamies turned back to what his yearmate, Wut, was sending openly so anyone could hear, even though the other Drivers had gone to the tracks and shut down their connections to anyone but their matches for driving. 'When they did MY rally test, I kept falling off the track. You have to think like a chicane if you want to drive on ground that can't be trusted to hold still.'

  
Jaamies looked at Kimi to see if it would be worth trying to involve him in the discussion by switching to gestures. Danny, Wut's human was looking at the other bond pairs, farther down the arena. Kimi was staring at the wall again. 'I did alright on my test,' he sent, not bothering to keep his sending 'quiet' either. 'I liked it, but my times are better on tarmac, so they thought I should stay.'

  
'It's nice to have options. I just get into the groove and practice ends. I can't rally at all. During your rally test, did the car keep trying to hop? I had to go so slow to get over the bumps.' Wut sent.

  
'My car sort of did that too,' Jaamies sent.

  
'What was I doing wrong?!' Wut pouted.

  
'You were slowing down,' Kimi sent into the same open space where anyone could hear him.

  
Both Racing Drivers froze.

  
'Did you hear that?' Wut whispered, sending just to Jaamies. 'What the hell was that?'

  
'Yes,' Jaamies hissed back, 'But I was SUPPOSED to...that was Kimi.'

  
They both turned and looked at him. He hadn't moved, he was still staring at the back wall. When they stared at him, he glanced over, like he'd just happened to move that way.

  
'What?' Jaamies sent, openly again.

  
'If you kept your speed up, the car would have hopped, like it was supposed to,' Kimi had gone back to staring at the wall.

  
'THAT'S YOUR MAN?!' Wut screamed to Jaamies. 'Why is he DOING that?! He's not supposed to be able to hear me!'

  
'I don't KNOW. If you don't answer him, he's going to notice something's wrong, though,' Jaamies was watching frantically the nearest Racing Drivers. Their connections were all shut down. They couldn't have heard Kimi, even if they were close enough.

  
Wut sent a wave of horror to Jaamies. 'What do I say?'

  
'I don't know.'

  
'Well what do you say to him?'

  
'Normal things, just like everyone says to their match.'

  
'No one else's match can hear anyone else.'

  
'Did I offend him?' Kimi asked Jaamies on the usual match and Racing Driver only connection.

  
'He was surprised.' Jaamies told him, slowly.

  
'Humans drive sometimes, too,' Kimi sent this openly, again.

  
'Oh,' Wut responded.

  
Danny was watching Jaamies and Wut now.

  
'Danny just asked me what's wrong!' Wut said.

  
'DON'T tell him about Kimi! We can't tell anyone about this. Not humans, anyway.'

  
'No, of course not. I'm not an idiot. They don't like anything different. They would hurt you both. No, I...I won't tell Danny. You'd better tell Loup what just happened, though. If he keeps doing that, soon everyone will know' Wut tried to stop himself, but Jaamies heard the rest, anyway, 'That something is wrong with him.'

  
'Well now we have to pretend like nothing is weird, so HE doesn't notice something...' Jaamies braced himself to his new reality, '...is wrong with him.'

  
Wut sent acceptance of this proposal. 'Thank you for the advice, The Cold Safety and Speed of Home.'

  
That came as a jolt to Jaamies. Wut could feel Kimi's name. That was...not right. Only Jaamies was supposed to feel who Kimi WAS. He felt insanely jealous, suddenly. He stepped close to Kimi and put his arms around his waist. 'I love you, Kimi. I love you the best and the most. You'll always be mine, won't you, Kimi?'

  
Kimi turned to him slowly, eyes searching the mirrored visor. He raised his hand and brushed down the back of Jaamies' helmet and then down his back. 'Of course, Jaamies. We're one.'

  
Jaamies could feel Kimi's bemusement, but he felt very scared, suddenly. If the humans ever knew Kimi was different, they would tear them apart. He had to protect Kimi. Even if he had to make every Racing Driver everywhere help him.


	3. Tested McLaren Training Center 1998

**Tested**   
**McLaren Training Center 1998**

 

There was a current of excitement running through the stable. The warm weather, the melting snow meant that the season would be starting, soon. Jaamies ran his hands over his milk white skin. It was prickling. He had just left the track a few hours ago. It hadn't been long enough, it was never long enough. He put his head in his hands.

  
'Jaamies?' Lentaa's voice came into his head.

  
'What?!' His head snapped around to face Lentaa's stall down the hallway.

  
'Woah. What's wrong?' Lentaa was placid, displeased by the disrespect, but not going to feed Jaamies upset by reacting strongly in return.

  
'The drives are never long enough,' he pushed down the discomfort.

  
Lentaa sent a sense of pleased laughter. 'You will get a better fill in a year or two when you start F1. You're too strong for the karts, just find patience. Your season starts soon, and that will be more satisfying to you.'

  
'I shouldn't have snapped at you. What were you saying?' Poor Lentaa wasn't to blame for Jaamies' itchy skin.

  
'There are some Trainers here to talk to you. Mika and I are on our way to bring you to the outside track.'

  
The wind was blowing hard. The karts were in a shining herd on one side, ready for the middle group of stallions to practice.

  
The matched stallions crowded out of the door and immediately huddled together. Jaamies stood in the lee of Sugarboy. 'What's going on?'

  
'Extra practice,' Sugarboy shrugged.

  
Jaamies glanced at the Trainers standing by the second track. Loud and Emerson and Lentaa and Mika were standing next to a human who was a bit younger than Emerson, and a bond pair who were about Jaamies' age. They were burly, dark haired guys. The Driver in grey. The group shifted and Jaamies' eyes fell on the machine behind them.

  
His hand landed on Sugarboy's arm. Sugarboy looked down at it. 'What are you grabbing me for?'

  
'Do you see that thing over there by the Trainers?'

  
'What Trainers?' Sugarboy asked, looking where Jaamies helmet was faced. 'That's just Lentaa and Loup, which thing by them, the tire wall? You'll have to be more specific.'

  
'The...white machine.'

  
'Yes, I see it, there is is. So what? There's some machines that are REALLY worth looking at right over there. I think I'll have the feisty green one today.' He turned and rubbed his hands together gleefully, pulling his arm out of Jaamie's loose grasp.

  
'It's a vehicle?'

  
'It's for really young foals, then. A weaned colt couldn't get inside it.'

  
'I don't think they're meant to, must be open, like the karts, where you kind of sit on top.'

  
'Way too narrow.'

  
'Why do you think they're over there by her?'

  
'Her?' Sugarboy turned around. Jaamies could see his own reflection, small and white, in the bigger Driver's blue helmet visor. 'You've been smelling exhaust fumes too long, that's not a her, it's probably mechanical equipment. It's only got 2 wheels, anyway. It's going to fall over as soon as that Driver stops holding it up. Hey Bosse,' Sugarboy nudged the Driver next to him, one of the older rally Drivers. 'I've seen that Driver over there before, what's his name?'

  
The rally Driver raised an eyebrow at the familiarity, but Sugarboy assumed everyone loved him as much as he loved them, and it endeared him to the other Drivers. 'KDub. He matched a couple years before you, then he went to live at Honda. He doesn't drive anymore.'

  
'They bought him and then he doesn't have a drive? Why don't they send him home? Is that why he's here? Is he coming back to live with us?' Sugarboy cocked his head.

  
'He still races, it's like rally, but the cars are...I don't know, Loup tried to explain it to me once, it didn't make sense. It's some super specialized, obscure sport.' If a Rally Driver thought a sport was specialized and obscure, it must REALLY be tiny. There were only an armload of Rally Drivers in the whole stable. 'You will have to ask him. He's on his way over.'

  
'I told you it was a vehicle,' Jaamies said quietly. The grey and his match WERE coming over. He stared at them openly, but Sugarboy and Bosse were back to waiting for the Karts.

  
[Hey. Kevin and I noticed you and your friends looking at Lasso, your name is Glacier, isn't it?] The burly grey addressed him. His man was smiling and nodding. The grey had a strange accent to his gestures. Much heavier on finger motion than wrist motion. Like he talked while hanging on to his steering wheel. Rude habit.

  
Sugarboy and Bosse turned back to them to listen.

  
[Jaamies. We were just wondering what you were doing over there with the Trainers. Bosse and Sugarboy remember you. Are you coming back to live at McLaren?]

  
[No, I live at Honda, now. It's great, we're starting a new stable.]

  
The three nodded slowly.

  
[Did you see her, though? Lasso?]

  
[We saw a machine behind you,] Sugarboy said in a flat tone.

  
[What kind of vehicle is it?] Jaamies asked. [It's really small.]

  
[She's a motorcycle. She is small, but that's because she's all engine and wheels.]

  
[Only two wheels,] Bosse said.

  
Jaamies looked at him. Rally Drivers had to be able to do math, or at least work out numbers with reasonable certainty.

  
[Come over and see her. If you like her you can try her out.]

  
They looked at each other and shrugged, followed KDub and his man back to where the white motorcycle was resting. She was holding herself up with a little leg near her rear wheel. She had smooth, glossy farings. She had silver chrome shocks. Jaamies had never wanted to touch anything so bad in his life. Karts were good, but THIS...It made his blood sing. He didn't even have to sing to her to know how she would feel.

  
Sugarboy looked down at it. [This is MUCH too small for me. I have already had to change diets twice this year because of growth spurts.]

  
[What are your races like?] Bosse asked.

  
[I race a motorcycle like her in Rally, some of the other Racing Riders like grip, though, and they race like Formula 1. The humans have some that are FASTER than Formula 1 cars. We aren't allowed to try those, yet, though. Maybe when there's a Racing Rider champion.]

  
[You don't have any champions?] Bosse said slowly. [At ALL?]

  
[There aren't very many of us, yet. We've only been Riding for 3 seasons.]

  
[If there aren't very many of you, how will you get a Championship?]

[We're racing against humans.] His voice was matter-of-fact, but it was apparent that he wasn't as confident in this statement as he let on.

  
[How do you know you can get Championships against humans? Even Formula 2 drivers don't get real Championships, you have to be in pinnacle class.] Bosse had taken a little step away.

  
[I DO race in a pinnacle class. Two of them. Our lead stallion is probably going to get his Championship this year.]

  
[I don't really think...] Bosse trailed off, Sugarboy wasn't even listening anymore, he was back to hoping the kart practice would start, soon.

  
What would be the point of racing if you couldn't have a Championship? That was the only thing that could protect you and your match. What a terrible, senseless risk it would be to give up cars for this...beautiful, lovely, powerful machine.

  
[Why did you leave cars if there might not be a Championship?] He asked.

  
[There might not be a Championship for any of the Drivers.]

  
Jaamies and Sugarboy looked at him like he was insane.

  
[I am GETTING a Championship,] they gestured simultaneously.

  
[The Riders are WAY better than all but a few of the humans, and so actually, getting a Championship is more likely. Besides, the humans that are good, are REALLY good. Well capable of providing a Championship battle.]

  
[It's a nice machine and everything,] Bosse said, [But we should go back to the others, practice is going to start soon.]

  
He walked away.

  
Jaamies kept looking at the motorcycle. He reached out to touch it, and then stopped himself.

  
He had never cared as much about Karts. Never stared and dreamed like Sugarboy did. He liked them, he wanted more time, because he never got the level of fulfillment some of the others got from them. It was like standing in the shower, trying to fill the cup of his hands with water, it just kept draining away before it was ever enough. He knew why, now.

  
He had never felt about Karts like he felt about this. She was calling him. He wasn't like Sugarboy and Bosse. Grip or Drift, cars would never call him like...motorcycles. He'd felt this feeling before, touched it and wondered at it in Kimi's heart. When he felt hockey.

  
Kimi hadn't been allowed to have hockey.

  
Jaamies looked down at the motorcycle, smiling behind his helmet. He had promised Kimi to do his best to get them to F1. Kimi wanted to know why they were here, and the answers required power within FIA, and that meant wins. Championships. In a pinnacle class that was big enough to attract attention. That was all in Formula 1. Kimi wanted answers and Jaamies was going to get him to where he could get them. That meant a Formula 1 Championship.

  
That meant no motorcycles.

  
When it was time for the rally test, the handlers already had a pretty good idea of who was a Grip Driver and who was a Drift Driver. This was like that, except that the Riders were new, and it wasn't obvious on sight who belonged where.

  
That meant he could get by under the radar.

  
He was fast enough to make it to F1, he already had a seat in McLaren, unless his ability suddenly began to plummet for no reason, he would have his Championship soon.

  
That meant turning and walking back to the Karts, right now.

  
If he touched the shining carapace now, he would never be able to do it. He would love her too much to ever turn away from her. So he pulled his hand back. [Thank you for offering to share your machine,] he told KDub, [That was nice. I have to go back to the Karts for practice now. I've got to get all the time I can so I'll be ready when I get to Formula 1.]

  
He washed his hands over one another as he walked back to the Karts. The inside of his visor was fogging up. The itch was worse. Now he knew it would never stop. He pictured himself turning and running back to KDub and begging to be allowed to go with him, to ride and race, and some part of him thought, to fly. He forced his hands to his sides and stopped responding to the itch. He stood stock still so he didn't have to acknowledge how much life was going to hurt.

  
From this moment on.


	4. Permission Silverstone Circuit- 2008

**Permission**   
**Silverstone Circuit- 2008**

  
"Would it be alright if I spent some time with Sebastian?"

  
Kimi blinked and moved his hand a little away from Jaamies' face. He covered his confusion by rinsing the razor again. "Who?"

  
"The rookie from Toro Rosso. Little blonde? Curls?" His Racing Driver watched Kimi's face minutely.

  
Kimi returned to the spot he'd been shaving, tilting Jaamies' chin with a finger, even though he hadn't moved from where he'd originally been put. He adjusted his chin a few more times, until it was back in the right position.

  
"I can arrange that, yes."

  
He wasn't going to ask why, as much as his curiosity had flared at the unusual request.

  
"Thank you."

  
"Just Sebastian?" Of course not.

  
"Sure, unless you want to come along." Jaamies looked up and smiled with only his eyes, his face still under the razor. "I love spending time with you, Kimi."

  
"And, Sunshine?"

  
Jaamies conveyed a shrug without moving. He was as quiet with signs as Kimi was out loud. Kimi couldn't have even picked out why he knew it was a shrug, except for 8 years of reading his partner's body language. Maybe it was something in the eyebrows?

  
"It will be much harder to get two of us out at once. You have me out of the stable all the time, they'd notice him bringing Sunshine along. Or are you planning on bringing him to the stable with you? Ferrari won't like that. Not that they'd do anything, just pout at you."

  
Kimi turned Jaamies' face and started shaving the other side. "I can get you some time to meet him, I can't get you an afternoon free. Ferrari is not THAT happy with us. It was one world championship, not 5."

  
Not Sunshine, just Sebastian, unless Jaamies was playing it cool and hiding his intentions. That wasn't like him, so it probably wasn't the case. Kimi's Racing Driver wanted to spend time with the man, but was not concerned if the other Racing Driver was there or not.

  
"Can you understand Sebastian well?" From what he'd seen, the rookie spoke sign like he was chasing flies while simultaneously trying to dance in a nightclub.

  
Another shrug that was nothing but essence. "He is as coherent as any human."

  
"Even me?" Kimi was one of the most fluent signers out of all the humans on the grid. Most of the humans struggled with the complex Racing Driver sign language.

  
"Even more than you. You think like a human. He thinks like he is half Racing Driver himself."

  
"Is that why you want to be friends with him?" Kimi asked. He began to wipe the lather off of his Racing Driver's face.

  
"Yes, and because when he raced, before he was matched with Sunshine, he was fast, and that is interesting." Jaamies stood and they looked in the mirror at their two nearly identical faces, Jaamies' eyes a shade greener, his frame a shade lighter.

  
"You want to race him?"

  
Jaamies laughed. The noise was like the chuffing of an engine, like a machine had made it. He could no more make human speech noises than Kimi could have produced that perfect engine impression.

  
"No human is fast enough to race against a Racing Driver, Kimi. It would be like racing one of the grandstands." He shook his head. "I just want to talk to him. He comes to see me sometimes, when I'm at the garage and you're elsewhere. Humans don't usually pay that much attention to Racing Drivers." As though he had to tell Kimi, of all people.

  
"I will figure something out." Kimi put his hand on his shoulder. "You are the other half of me, I want you to make whichever friends you like."

  
There was no reason a Racing Driver couldn't be friends with a human other than their match. No reason at all.


	5. Favourite Valencia Street Circuit, Valencia, Spain 2008

**Favourite**   
**Valencia Street Circuit, Valencia, Spain 2008**

 

The weather had been warm and the tires had stayed warm and gripped beautifully. He’d made great times. It had been a good day. His partner was off doing paperwork, and the team knew he was reliable enough to walk back to the motorhome alone. Their reputation as uncommunicative, and what a joke that was, meant he could get through the paddock, helmet off and just throw impatient looks at the press and get by without any sort of undue attention. It meant his partner could go do other things while he was with the team, as long as no translation was needed.

  
He hopped out of the car, signaled the handler that he was going to go report to his partner. The handler gave him leave to go. He waved at Mancha on the way by. Mancha waved and turned back to watch Felipe, attuned to his movements, keeping in an exact proximity to the man.

  
He strolled out of the garage. A young man hurried up to him. He moved his head from side to side, inspecting Jaamies from different angles. His blonde curls bobbed around his head. Why wasn't he with his Racing Driver?

  
[Ki-mi?] He asked in subtle gestures. He got very close, until he was looking eye to eye with him. Jaamies could see his own outline reflected on blue the color of the sky.

  
[You have green eyes today. The last time I saw you, when we played badminton, your eyes were more blue.] Kimi's eyes were bluer than Jaamies' but they were more like grey. Not like Seb's, which were true blue. Seb nodded at him, then winked hugely. [I wanted to come see you right after practice, because I knew then you would be here, and I could talk to you. I'll walk back to your motor home with you.]

  
[You like jokes?] Sebastian asked. He told a joke that must have been pretty funny in speech, because the boy laughed hard, the skin crinkled around his eyes, but it didn't translate to gestures.

  
[Did you ever race before you got this job?] Jaamies asked.

  
[Before, I met Sunny? Yes, I was a good driver. This is better, though. I still get to drive things sometimes. You are a good driver, the best. You're going to win the Championship this year.]

  
Jaamies shrugged. [Cannot tell. Winning is different for us. Men think whoever gets the black and white flag drove the best, but we know that the one who drives the best is not always the one in the front of the others. Fast is important, but it is not everything. Last season, the driving was very good for many Drivers.]

  
[I think you will.] He said.

  
[What is your favorite part of driving?]

  
The teenage human thought about it, his eyes flicking back and forth as he searched his memories.

  
Jaamies could smell his sweat and the chemical endorphin odor he was giving off. Why was he so happy? Maybe his Sunshine had driven well.

  
[I like corners.]

  
Jaamies smiled. He did, too. [What did you race?] He asked, slowing his pace so they would take longer to get to the motorhome.

  
Sebastian told him about Karting, and about his season in Formula BMW. Jaamies tried to think of memories he'd shared with other Drivers of Formula BMW.

  
'Hey, Prince,' he sent to the only other RD he'd heard mention Formula BMW. 'What's Formula BMW like?'

  
The other Racing Driver sent back a feeling of mild consternation. 'I don't know, Nico drove it. Why are you asking me that? Why would I drive Formula BMW? Humans race it. Mercedes wouldn't waste my talent on that.'

  
He thought about asking him to ask Nico, but it didn't seem worth putting up with the Heir Apparent's attitude. He dropped it. He could ask Sunshine, but it was novel having a conversation with a human, unaided, and he didn't want the experience to end.

  
He just listened. From Sebastian's description, it wasn't as fast as Formula Renault, but MUCH more serious than Karts. Sebastian actually gave a pretty coherent description. Most humans were thinking half a dozen other things as they spoke, which muddied their gestures. This human was perfectly capable of focusing on what he was doing.

  
Perfectly capable of driving, too. He talked his way through his races and Jaamies found himself picturing them, and wishing he'd been there to see them.

[Jaamies?] he pulled Jaamies out of a reverie of a sweet corner in a small, fast machine. [What color is your favorite?]

  
Jaamies tilted his head to look at him. What an interesting question. [To look at, or are you asking me what color I am?]

  
[What is the difference?] The boy pooched out his soft lower lip.

  
[Sunshine likes to wear red, when you give him a choice. He wants to show everyone who he is. He is capable of strong emotion and makes hard decisions without thinking about them, because he already knows the answer.] He watched Seb's pale blue eyes as he took in this information.

  
He seemed pleased by recognizing the description with how he himself assessed his friend's personality; the scent of joy increased.

  
[He is very much like his man.] Jaamies smiled.

  
Sebastian grinned widely back.

  
[I wear white, because the other Drivers, and the humans who know about us, they see me and know I like to think about things before I take action, and that I am not as hungry for friendship as the others.] He kept eye contact as he said this. Never once letting his gaze slide away to indicate this wasn't true. It was true, anyway. He was fully satisfied by normal day to day contact with his match and a close friend or two. Normal contact. Several days every two weeks spent completely the center of his match's attention would provide all the intimacy Jaamies needed.

  
For some reason, Sebastian's eyes narrowed. [You are fine without Kimi around. You don't get lonely. He's so quiet.] He said it, with a straight face, but he was LYING. He didn't believe what he was saying, at all.

  
Jaamies' jaw dropped a little.

  
[It's okay. He is very busy. Don't feel bad?] Sebastian looked sad, there was a wet shine in his eyes that made the blue stand out even brighter. [If you need someone to talk to, Sunshine and I will always talk to you.] He reached out and rested his hand on Jaamies' shoulder. [So, is white not your favorite color to look at?]

  
[No.] He dropped his hands and watched the ground at his feet as they walked.

  
[What color do you like to look at?] The blonde eyebrows went up, eyes wide.

  
He didn't look up from the ground to see them, but he knew. [I like to look at blue the best. Blue like the sky.]


	6. Filling A Need Japan, 2009

**Filling A Need**   
**Japan, 2009**

  
The conversation with Kimi's handler finished. The man was always very kind to Jaamies, with the kind of kindness humans used when they believed you were less than they were, but that they should pretend this wasn't the case. Humans thought gestures were the only way of speaking to Racing Drivers. The physio didn't realize Jaamies could see what he was saying, even when his hands didn't move.

  
He turned at the rhythm of a familiar walk. He turned around. Sebastian had started wearing red shirts since Jaamies had told him he was as much of a red as Sunshine. Funny creature. He had his face covered. He stepped close to Jaamies.

  
Jaamies had his face covered, too, Kimi was in the motorhome talking across the paddock to Dominar. He was really upset about his crash from the last race. For some reason, Alondra was angry, too, though he had won. Jaamies smiled at Sebastian. He felt tired. His body was sore. Two walls in three weeks, and an engine failure the week before that. He wondered if he had time for a nap before Kimi got done talking to the Renault Drivers. He would remember to see if Kimi would have time to help him diffuse some of the ache in his back. He couldn't interrupt, Dominar and Alondra needed him. Jaamies had him all the time, he could wait.

  
[Congratulations,] he hadn't been able to see much of Sebastian since Sunshine had become a winner. [You two did a beautiful job.]

  
[You did a great job getting back into it after that pit stop nightmare.] Sebastian's conviction that Jaamies would be getting his second championship had disappeared a few weeks before.

  
Jaamies didn't mind. He had known much earlier. There was something subtly wrong with his concentration, and the car didn't seem to like him this year. It wasn't outright defiance, he was just having trouble attuning to her. Mancha was in love with his car like he never had been. Snap was reveling in Alondra's departure from McLaren. He was welcome to it, the whole damn stable. 4 ruined races in a row, it was almost like Jaamies had gone back to McLaren. He sighed and nodded.

  
Sebastian's hand touched him. He had brushed or lightly touched him before, like humans did sometimes in conversations with each other. Like Racing Drivers did when they were being tender. This was a firm touch. His entire hand was on Jaamie's back, stroking up and down. Jaamies' breath hitched. What was he TOUCHING him for? 'He's not stupid,' Jaamies told himself, 'He knows this is a taboo, why is he touching me?' He took a breath.

  
[You seemed like you were really hitting corner 10 perfectly in qualifying today. Sunshine was having a little trouble on the way out of that one. Were you getting some roughness?] Seb said, still stroking Jaamies' back, as though this was a perfectly normal thing for him to be doing. Petting Jaamies and walking through the race with him.

  
[I was feeling the track was rough there. It is too warm for frost heaves and too warm for heat swells. Moisture, maybe.] The hand on his back was much warmer than Kimi's hands, and had a different texture, even through his shirt. It lay differently on his skin. It wasn't awful, though. He wasn't itching to get away from it, like he normally would be. If Sebastian wanted to listen to his race, a hand soothing him was a small price to pay. He would still tell Kimi about his race, but this would help him get his thoughts in line. Jaamies eased into talking about how it had gone.

  
Sebastian asked questions instinctively. He asked more about how things FELT than what Jaamies had thought. That was a red for you. It was good, though. Relaxing.

  
Eventually he forgot Seb was touching him. Well, he forgot that he thought Seb shouldn't touch him. It was still a completely foreign sensation, to have a hand on him that wasn't one half of him or the other. Or another Racing Driver. Sebastian's hand almost felt like another Racing Driver's hand. It didn't set him to itching, he was just totally aware of it, like the rest of his body had stopped sending messages. Until nearly to the end of the discussion of the race, when he felt his shoulder come into contact with Seb's side. He froze.

  
Seb kept stroking his back and talked to him for a few moments, until they both felt him thaw.

  
Where was Kimi? Shouldn't he be calling him? He couldn't STILL be talking to the Renault Drivers. He should be calling Jaamies to him, to listen to his race, and comfort him through the pain of the crashes, and the pain of the losses. He NEEDED Kimi to call. Needed him. He was pressing against Sebastian, now. Safe human contact was keeping his heart calm. He was alright with a human looking out for him. Sebastian wouldn't leave him alone right now. For whatever reason, he understood that Jaamies NEEDED.

  
That was when he felt Sebastian's other hand; the fingertips against his cheek, and realized he'd closed his eyes. His eyes fluttered open. He looked into sky blue eyes and asked for help. He couldn't bring himself to gesture it, and Seb wouldn't understand his sending, but he could vocalise. It was soft, a low, rising vibration, nothing else. A question. An expression.

  
He waited, perfectly still, until Sebastian wrapped his arms around him, and Sunshine touched his mind with warmth, but caring, and packed up his pain, taking it away and spending it easily in the heat of his heart. He let Sunshine take the physical pain, and the disappointment of the lost races and the lost season. He let Sunshine's heart lay against his, and in some way he couldn't quantify, in some way that wasn't really touch, Sebastian's heart as well.

  
He let their support strengthen him, he devoured their love until he was drunk with it. Drank until he couldn't walk and had to have Seb help him back to the motorhome. Drank until he was unable to feel the lonliness. 


	7. Unexpected Complications Kimi's House- 2009

**Unexpected Complications**   
**Kimi's House- 2009**

 

He closed his eyes in the crate in the Ferrari stable at the end of the season, with Kimi's hand holding his.

  
He woke up when the lid came off the crate, flooding the world with sunlight. Haloed in front of the window, Kimi came into focus. He could hear quiet building sounds, a street some way away, and little else. There were no other Racing Drivers in reach. Only Kimi. Just his Kimi.

  
He sat up and climbed out of the travel crate. He'd been in it for a lot longer than usual, he could feel that in his body. They were in a pale room with a big window that looked out on a grassy patch with some trees and a fence. The fence was about a stone's throw away. That was a lot of space for one human. There was a couple couches in the room and a BIG monitor. It would be easy to see the track on that.

  
Kimi was watching him look around. He reached out and Jaamies tilted his head back breathlessly. Kimi's fingers unstrapped his helmet and he lifted it off. It brushed Jaamies' hair up as it came free. Kimi set it on a table beside a couch. He was smiling a small, nervous smile. [Welcome home.]

  
Jaamies grinned back at him. He un-Velcro'd his gloves and pul them in a pocket. [This is a good stall,] he said. He moved closer to look out the window. Oh! Birds! He could feel the glass sucking at the heat in the room. It was cold outside. Of course Kimi would live in a cold place. [Where is your stall?] he gestured, still watching the birds hop around in the grass.

  
[This is the office, I just had them leave the crate in here. I'll show you around.] He waved towards a door. Jaamies followed him. There was another room outside the door, lightly furnished with some tables and a bench beside a bigger door. There were some shoes by the bench and coats hung by the door. They went up the stairs into a hallway with a number of doors. [This is my room.] Kimi lead him down to the end of the hallway.

  
His room was BIG. It was bigger than the whole office. The bed was almost as big as the office. There were dressers and a closet almost as big as their room in the Motorhome. There was a bathroom that WAS bigger than their room in the Motorhome, a LOT bigger. There was a familiar scent in the place, and it was stronger in the bathroom. Jaamies walked to the cabinet and picked up a little bottle. He smelled it. Dark hair, stiff hugs, and always mild confusion when she touched him on the pit lane after a race. Jenni.

  
[Jenni lives here,] he said as he set the bottle down.

  
[Of course she does, she's my wife,] Kimi smiled.

  
The bottle had left an intense scent on his fingers. Very chemical and unpleasant when it hadn't been aerated. He wiped his hand on a towel. [Does she know I'm going to be living here?]

  
[Yes, she's gone through the paperwork to get 00 status.] Kimi would assume that paperwork meant things were arranged. [You can come in here anytime, just check with me, first, Jenni isn't too crazy about the idea of you walking in on her.]

  
Jaamies nodded. She wouldn't be, would she? He wasn't her husband.

  
[Your room is down the hallway.] The next door opened into another room so big it could have been a conference room. There was a smaller, but still substantial bed in it, and this one had a sleeping cupboard. Jaamies grinned at Kimi and opened the fancy wooden cupboard. It was perfect. There was even a padded floor, upholstered in a slippery fabric. There was a couch just exactly the size for two, and shelves with all his things. Kimi opened the dresser and showed him all the white clothes in it for him, all new. He opened the closet, and they walked into it and Jaamies didn't know what to look at first. There were all his helmets!! A big wall of them, though it was only half full. And brand new race suits in white, and several helmets with his design on them, but none of the team stuff, just white with his name and his design.

  
Kimi hugged him. [There's more to see, let's go back downstairs.]. They walked past the other doors, down the steps to the mess hall. There were two small tables, one by another big window and one by the other wall. There were chairs next to the counter, so people sitting could watch the cooking. Kimi showed him where to get dishes and told him the white dishes were his. He failed to mention the sets of dishes in each of the other RD colors that were set to the side. He showed him where prepared food would be kept in the refrigerator.

  
Then they went outside. The birds, predictably, flew away when they came out. They checked out the yard and then Kimi took him to another door. [Saved the best for last.] He opened the door and they went into a garage. It was as big as Jaamies garage AND Mancha's garage.

  
[KIMI! Look!] Jaamies knelt down in front of the Ferrari and kissed her. [Hey, sweet girl. I am so happy to meet you! You're much nicer than my car, aren't you, my lovely...] He'd rested his cheek on her hood, and that was when he saw what else was in the garage. Long and low and black, there was a monster.

  
He closed his eyes and turned his face to the other side, Kimi hadn't seen it, surely? He didn't know it was here? He couldn't. 'He doesn't know,' Jaamies reasoned with himself. 'He can't know.'

  
But he opened his eyes, and on the other side of the garage was a clunky truck thing with a trailer. With two dirt bikes on it. He turned back to the black chopper. Why was Kimi's garage full of motorcycles? Jaamies stood up he had to get out of here. He went around to the driver's side of the Ferrari. [Let's go drive! I want to get to know this beauty.]

  
He was so worked up he made a hash of their totally easy drive.


	8. Beyond Temptation Kimi's House- 2009

**Beyond Temptation**   
**Kimi's House- 2009**

 

The first night at Kimi's, he was exhausted. He'd never heard Kimi scream before. He had NEVER driven so badly in his life.

  
Now he was shifting and turning in the cupboard. Kimi's weird delusional sleep state seemed very loud in his head. He'd gotten out of the cupboard twice and rearranged the furniture. He'd listened to his iPod. He was considering going and running laps around the yard. Kimi said he could be out there any time safely.

  
Exercise wasn't the answer, though. It wouldn't solve the way his hair was standing on end. It wouldn't solve the way his stomach felt tight like that time Juan Pablo had fed him coffee.

  
He clenched his hands.

  
He opened the cupboard door and went downstairs. The garage was dark, but there were little electronic indicator lights everywhere and he could see well enough. He stroked the hood of the Ferrari as he passed.

  
[Sorry,] he told her again. [That's the first time that's happened.]

  
He stood just outside arms reach of the green dirt bike on the trailer. He took a breath and stepped forward, reaching for her slowly, as though he might startle her.

  
Electricity ran through him when they made contact. Her handlebars were soft to squeeze, but not smooth. He ran his hands down her farings. How did Kimi stand having them in here? Jaamies hadn't been able to think of anything else all day.

  
He made a high keening noise in the back of his throat.

  
He could hear the metal of the dirt bike responding. This is what you were meant to have, something in the back of his mind, that he had pushed away a long time ago, whispered to him. This is the voice you were meant to have.

  
She was so nice. Not in a sweet, submissive way, like the street Ferrari, she was rough and tumble, she would make filthy jokes and then try to kick you off to make you remember just WHO you were with. She would never really try to hurt you, though. [Tomboy,] he whispered.

  
The next one was bigger, taller and a little more powerful. She was blue. She had no sense of humor, she was interested in working. She didn't want to play with you. She wanted you to push her and find the limits. She wouldn't like the low gears, she wanted to skip the greetings and go straight to the discussion. [Tank,] he said, [Does Kimi know who you are?] He pressed a kiss to her fender.

  
Then there was the chopper.

  
The words came back to him. Humans have motorcycles faster than F1 cars. If that was possible, it must be a machine like this. It barely came past his knee. Black on black on black. He hadn't looked before. He hadn't seen what SHE had branded on her skin. His design. Why would Kimi....have this machine? He ran his hands down both sides of her gas tank.

  
Jaamies didn't race motorcycles. Kimi had the street Ferrari, he wasn't fast enough to drive the F1 Ferrari. Where was he getting these motorcycles? What team were the motorcycles from? More importantly, where were the racing motorcycles that corresponded to these?

  
They were not going back home to Ferrari next season. Jaamies was in trouble. He'd broken the rules and the handlers had been so mad. Was this where they were sending him? Had they found out he was a Rider? Had he worked all this time to get home and now they were...he couldn't go be a Rider. Kimi wasn't done with F1.

  
He was stroking and purring at the chopper. She was very indulgent of his caresses. She expected his love, why wouldn't he love her? She was so gracious about it. When he...rode her...she would treat his directions as a matter of course. [Languid,] he rested his forehead against her gas tank just behind the handlebars. His thighs tightened around her flanks. It would be so easy to open the garage door. It would be so easy to start her. Feel her thunder underneath him. His hands tightened on her handlebars.

  
[I love you,] he signed against her skin. [We can't be together, now, though.] He just lay over her and petted her until the burning itch in his skin eased.

  
For the first time ever.


	9. Melting Kimi's house- 2010

**Melting**   
**Kimi's house- 2010 (spring after the end of the 2009 season)**

 

The snow had taken weeks to melt out of the yard. Now it was all gone and they'd raked the debris from the winter up. Jaamies woke up and stepped out of the sleeping cupboard.

  
"Good morning," Kimi sent. He sounded downright excited. That was one of the best things ever.

  
Jaamies got dressed and brushed his teeth and brushed his hair 100 strokes with the brush. He put on his favorite Redbull hat, even though it wasn't white, but blue, and went downstairs. There was a sound in the air, it was lovely. Jaamies couldn't quite place it, but it reminded him of the track. He went through the hall to the garage. The big garage door was open. The truck was out in the driveway, which left room in the garage for...the dirtbikes. The green one, Tomboy, was idling.

  
Jaamies gaped at Kimi. He was in...not nomex, not his F1 jumpsuit, it was like the team jerseys. He was wearing thick boots.

  
[Get dressed, we're going to go play. Not karts, but you will enjoy it.] He pointed to some clothes on the workbench. White, of course, with some black and blue designs. [Over what you're wearing will be fine, but you'll need to trade for boots.]

  
[I don't want to go,] he gestured, trying to block out the sound of pure delight emanating from the green dirtbike.

  
[It will be fun. We can stop at the kart track on the way back. I don't want to leave you here by yourself, and we're meeting a friend of mine there. Get dressed, I don't want to argue.]

  
Jaamies frowned and put the clothes on slowly. How could he tell Kimi WHY he didn't want to go? He stamped into the boots and tried to work out how to do them up. They had sort of straps, and he fastened them.

  
[Come here and help me load these.] Kimi was straddling the green dirtbike. He rode it up the little ramp onto the trailer. [Hold this up while I strap it down.]

  
[Her,] Jaamies corrected with his hand at his side. Kimi didn't see the gesture. Jaamies got up on the trailer and pinched two fingers and a thumb around the handlebar, trying to keep as far from the machine as he could. Kimi kept having to reach up and steady the bike, because the hands off approach the Racing Driver was taking was not very effective.

  
[It's not going to hurt you to touch it,] Kimi gestured over her seat. [Grab on. It's just like a kart, and if you really don't like it, Ricky's bringing an ATV anyway, just in case.] He looked over the seat and up at Jaamies. [You don't really think I'd forget to take you into account, do you?]

  
Jaamies' lips tightened and his jaw clenched. He grabbed both the handlebars firmly and set his leg against her. [Alright, do it.]

  
Kimi strapped her in and went and got Tank, the bigger, blue one. When he rode her up the ramp, Jaamies reached out and grabbed her handlebars in one hand and steadied her against him. He petted her side possessively. Kimi strapped her in as well and they went and got in the truck. Kimi handed him a hat and sunglasses, Jaamies' standard bodyarmor. He also handed him a hairband, and Jaamies tied up all his hair in a messy ball at the back of his head, then put the hat over it. He tied on a white bandana he could pull over his nose. Kimi drove extremely carefully when he had Jaamies in the car, an accident would not do.

  
They drove south for awhile and off the big road onto a dirt road. They stopped in a parking lot that, to Jaamies was just a wide flat spot. There weren't lines or paving at all. A few trucks like Kimi's were parked, some with RV trailers like at the races, except the backs were open, and there were motorbikes in them. From a ways away, Jaamies had sensed two other Racing Drivers. He'd sent greetings. If there were other Drivers here, this wouldn't be so bad.

  
He saw them as soon as they pulled up. They were standing next to two big dirtbikes, one painted dark grey, and one painted black and green. Riders. In fact, one of them was familiar. He'd come to McLaren for Rider tests. It had been their lead stallion who'd come to Ferrari. This other Rider felt just as strong as Rasoio, whose power level was as unfathomably distant as Shoe.

  
They both watched him from across the parking lot. Their men were standing next to two more bikes, smaller ones, but in similar colours. The man in black and green had a 4-wheeled...dirtkart? with him, as well.

  
Jaamies helped Kimi unload the bikes. His bikes were both smaller than the others. The blue about the same size as the men's. Then the men came over and shook Kimi's hand and the Riders came over and hugged him. Jaamies swallowed the growl that came to his throat. His match talking to everyone was one thing, the Racing Drivers NEEDED Kimi. Hugging was too much. Kimi didn't object, Kimi hugged them back. He swallowed his complaint. Kimi was his man, Kimi could do as he liked.

  
Why wasn't he enough?

  
Kimi introduced the men as Ricky, with Ratchet the black and green bi-tone. How did a Bi-tone get so strong? And KDub's man was Kevin. He'd met them before.

  
They went back to Kimi's motorbikes. [You can try the green one,] he gestured.

  
[Kimi, I don't want to do this.]

  
Kimi looked up at him and crossed his arms. Oh now he was going to be stubborn. Here came the strategy.

  
Jaamies was ready.

  
[Why?]

  
[Drivers are no good at motorcycles, you can feel that Ratchet as well as I can, I'm not humiliating myself in front of a Champion that strong.]

  
[He knows you're a Driver, you'd beat him driving. This isn't humiliating, it's practice.]

  
[This practice won't help me.]

  
[We're spending next year in Rally.]

  
[It will be totally different.]

  
He could see the shift in Kimi's features. No one else could have. Damn. [I really enjoy this and I want you to do it with me.]

  
[Champion, please, I don't want to.] Jaamies was drawing out his gestures now, he was losing his conviction in the face of the emotional appeal. He was not GEARED for this.

  
[If you're scared, you don't have to.]

  
NOT scared. He thrust his hand out and grasped. [Give me the keys.]

  
[It doesn't have keys.]

  
[Then show me how to start her.] He had a pretty good idea how, from 4 months of nights in the garage, petting and talking to them.

  
Kimi blinked. [This.] He stomped a pedal at the bottom. It fired up. He looked Jaamies in the eye and shut it back down.

  
Jaamies didn't take his eyes off Kimi. He climbed on and stomped the kickstarter. He narrowed his eyes and twisted the throttle.

  
The noise.

  
[Where are we going?] It seemed natural to gesture and keep his hands mostly on the handlebars.

  
Kimi got on the blue bike. [Follow those guys.]

  
The Riders were at a dirt track leading away from the parking lot.

  
They set off down the track with their men behind them. Kimi waited for Jaamies. He let off the clutch and lifted his foot, riding after the others. 'What are the rules for passing?'

  
'Let those guys know if you're going around them. You should take it easy.'

  
He turned his helmet so he was making eye contact with Kimi. He rose up off the seat. 'I will.' This was going to be the easiest thing he'd ever done. 'Passing on the left.' He gunned the engine and shifted twice, blasting past the other humans and Riders.

  
The track twisted. He swung the bike onto the berm at the edge of the track. This was a nice feature, camber. There was a bump in the track. There was no way Tomboy was staying on the track if they took that bump at this speed. He grinned wide and grabbed another gear. When they caught air the screaming joy in his heart rose into his throat and he screamed in an F1 voice at the joy of a 150cc Kawasaki dirtbike.

  
'H....hey...' Kimi stuttered weakly.

  
'Hey! What's up?!' Jaamies laughed back. Kimi was stopped somewhere back along the track. 'Hang on, I'll be right there.' He slowed down, planted a foot, slammed the front break and kicked the back tire around, heading back. The jump was even better on the way up. He saw Kimi sitting on the ground beside the track with his elbows on his knees, with the two humans, and the other two Riders crowded around him. Jaamies parked the bike and danced over to him. He grabbed the black and green's human, Ricky, bumping into him and cracking his helmet against the human's. [That was GREAT!] he gestured hugely.

  
[How did you miss him?!] Ricky gestured at Kevin and KDub.

  
[He was not like THIS.] KDub replied. [This would have been hard to miss.]

  
[THIS is ICEMAN? The one who never talks? He just bash brother'd you.] Ratchet waved at Ricky.

  
Jaamies knelt down in front of Kimi. [Did you SEE me? Kimi?]

  
Kimi looked up through his long blonde hair. His eyes were red rimmed and wet. His mouth was twisted. He surged forward and for a moment Jaamies was unsure of his intent. He wrapped Jaamies up in a hug. [I SAW you! I felt you! I felt you LOVE it. I've wanted this for you for so long.] He squeezed and Jaamies squeezed back. He couldn't breathe, but it wouldn't matter for a few moments. His heart was against Kimi's heart and they were together.

  
[What is going on?] Jaamies saw Ratchet ask the question out of the corner of his eye.

  
Kimi released his hold on Jaamies. They slid away from one another like ships undocking. [My partner is a Racing Rider.]

  
'My beautiful Racing Rider. You really can drive ANYTHING.' He was looking at Jaamies with such shining admiration and love. 'We can switch sports tomorrow if you like.'

  
Jaamies smiled. He couldn't let Kimi do that. 'No, Kimi, we will go back to F1. It is where we are meant to be. Of course we will go home to Ferrari.'

  
Kimi nodded. 'Of course. You made this decision a long time ago. You've known all along, haven't you?'

  
Jaamies nodded, still smiling. He had made this decision, long, long ago.

  
'Okay. We can do this whenever you want to. We can have this for you.'

  
'I'll still need to practice karts, but I would like to have this sometimes.'

  
'As much as you want, self.' Kimi put his helmet to Jaamies.' 'Ready to ride some more?'

  
They helped each other up. Jaamies turned back to the bike. Ratchet was right behind him, helmet off. He flicked his fingers up at the sides of his head. [Get your helmet off.]

  
Jaamies pulled his helmet off, his blond hair feathering around his face. He locked eyes with the red haired stallion.

  
Ratchet leaned forward slowly, crowding into Jaamies' space. Jaamies watched him, unflinching.

  
Ratchet darted forward and bit him on the cheek. Hard. The skin broke. Before he could pull away, without moving the rest of his body, Jaamies had turned and sunk his teeth into Ratchet's freckled cheek as well. The two Champion stallions stood face to face, cheeks bleeding, lips pulled back to expose their teeth like wolves.

  
There was a moment of exquisite tension.

  
Ratchet's eyes went to KDub. [Let him use your bike.]

  
KDub frowned, [No. Let him use yours.]

  
[We need an equivalent ride.] Ratchet growled at the grey stallion.

  
There was a moment of consideration. All three stallions turned at once to their men. [We're switching bikes.] they gestured simultaneously.

  
Ratchet waited on Ricky's 250cc until KDub and Jaamies pulled their men's 250 cc bikes around.

  
Ricky and Kevin were now on Ratchet and KDub's 450's and Kimi was on the 150cc.

  
Ratchet waved vaguely behind him. [Throw.]

  
Jaamies leaned down and kissed Tank's handlebars, then pulled his helmet on.

  
Kevin threw fingers and the three Riders took off. The men following behind.

  
Jaamies followed the track, learned it as he went. He watched the riders in front of him and learned from the veterans. He knew Tank, he had never ridden her, but he knew what she could do, who she was. He pushed her and she accepted it with no resistance. He ached to find her limits. They chased the lines, whooped the whoops, and caught air off the jumps. He learned how much air to catch. It was like cutting corners in the air. There was a right and a wrong amount. He passed KDub. The Greatest motocross Rider was in front of him. He could read the flow of muscles under the jersey fabric, almost out of the corner of his eye, while watching the track. THIS was what his species learned body language for. Not to crouch, afraid, in cockpits. He could hear Ratchet's body language, hear him talking to the bike in audible noises, too.

  
He couldn't catch him, though. No way, not alone.

  
He reached out for Kimi, 'I need to with me to beat him,' he called.

  
Kimi ducked out of his grasp, 'No, I have to ride this bike. I can't keep riding if I'm over there with you!'

  
Jaamies considered logistics for a moment, 'I will do both.' He scooped up Kimi's mind into his own, just like when they raced in the car.

  
Kimi struggled for a moment, heart fluttering with fear. He fed Kimi his own well of calm, took the controls of the second bike as well. The concentration required to control Kimi's bike as well was of no consequence when contrasted with the power boost having Kimi with him awarded.

  
He could think faster. Think two things at once. He started to cut the gap to Ratchet.

  
The green and black helmet turned to see him bearing down on him. Jaamies' front wheel was even with Ratchet's rear wheel, now. He could feel Ratchet's question without any explicit words. What are you doing?

  
KDub sent alarm. He couldn't do both bikes at once, Kevin would have to stop for him to share.

  
Ratchet smirked. Jaamies could feel it.

  
Then his power skyrocketed.

  
A few moments later, Ricky was on Jaamies' tail. Incredible. If Kimi was on a bike that could touch this capacity, Jaamies might have him in range of them, but Ratchet was BEATING Jaamies with two bikes, because in a moment Ricky was ahead of him. He drew more deeply on Kimi's strength, but the black and green pair were still leaving him behind, and it was thrilling.

  
He had never been able to comprehend Shoe's power, or even Grad's, even after his own Championship, but this, he could...maybe not matched Ratchet, but he could have...run with him. He understood how strong Ratchet was, understood the strength it had taken to take that unbelievable number of Championships, Jaamies could see, for the first time, the frightening purity of not one, but two perfect seasons, something no F1 stallion had EVER accomplished.

  
A soft little part of him, deep inside, ached for the loss. Not because Ratchet crossed the flag line first, and Ricky behind him. Because Jaamies had never crossed all the flag lines he was owed, and never would.

  
He soothed the burning pain with cool acceptance, as he always did. 'It is what is. There is no changing it now. No regrets, Jamie,' he told himself, 'Regret doesn't heal what has been, it just poisons what will be.'

  
[That was FUN!] he told Kimi. [You did wonderfully.]

  
[Catch him!] Ratchet gestured to Jaamies.

  
Catch him? Why?

  
Ricky leapt forward and caught Kimi as he reeled when Jaamies let go of his mind. His eyes rolled back in his head and Ricky braced himself, holding the taller man and lowering him to the ground, propping him against his chest.

  
[You can't just drop him like that when it's over,] Ratchet told him.

  
[I always have him with me when we race, he has never reacted like that before,] Jaamies knelt down where Kimi lay in Ricky's lap and patted his cheek.

  
KDub snorted. [Have you ever cared before?]

  
[Well, no.]

  
[It's harder on them when you care, white.] KDub shrugged.

  
Huh.

  
Ricky had his mouth near Kimi's ear, whispering human sounds to him as he came around. Kimi looked up at him, still not fully present.

  
Ratchet stepped into Jaamies's space again, this time with sad body language. [Why did you lie, little one? Why didn't you come when I sent for you?] He looked at KDub. [We wanted you to come home to us.]

  
Jaamies didn't look at Kimi, just held eye contact with the lead stallion who should have been his.

  
[He would have loved this for you, little one. We would have protected you.]

  
_He needs F1. He wanted to say. And they need him. I couldn't see it at first, but I see now. He has a bigger meaning to Us than racing. My career is a low price to pay to bring paradise to my people._

  
He didn't say this, he said, [He can do more in Formula 1.]

  
_The Riders have Ricky and Valentino. In 5 or 10 years, the last of the great Trainers will be gone. Kimi has to be there. He has to be. No one else is. The hurts are too deep. Someone needs to...be the tape that holds them together. Someone._

  
He didn't say this last part, either. They would look at him strangely if he TOLD them Kimi was the cool, fast, paradise every Racer longed for. They had to see it for themselves. Maybe the Riders had their own paradise.

  
His heart panged at that thought. He was a Rider, if they had their own paradise, then Jaamies was not going to be with Kimi, after the needles. And yet, he had paradise all his matched life. If he wasn't going allowed to be with Kimi at the end, he had already had more of paradise than he deserved. He had been a BAD Racer. He had lied, he had allowed his man to become a Trainer, and burn his soul in the ways that way of life caused. Looked away while the terrible things happened. He didn't deserve Kimi, but he was selfish, and he was going to absorb every moment he was given.

  
Because of moments like this.

  
Kimi reached out and took his hand and rubbed his thumb over it, squeezing his fingers, and looked at him with pure love.


	10. In The Rain Kimi's house- 2010

**In The Rain**   
**Kimi's house- 2010**

 

The leaves on the trees were darker, from the rain dripping down them. The sky was deeply overcast. Fits of wind fluttered the bushes. He could see his reflection in the droplet spattered window, if he looked for it. The windowsill was wide enough to sit on. He could feel the cold glass pulling at his body heat.

  
Rain was the strangest weather, Jaamies thought. Not snow, not wind, not fog, just water dropping out of the air. Snow, wind and fog were all things his body understood instinctively. Rain was different. It had rained a lot at the McLaren stable, when he was a colt.

  
The helmet that had been as much a part of him as his clothing had always separated him from the weather, from the outside world. They might be indoors, in stalls or the practice gym, without helmets, if there was a matched handler to watch them, but outdoors, it was always with helmets on. To prevent unmatched handlers from making accidental bonds, or humans from looking over the fence and seeing what they shouldn't have seen.

  
It had been so wonderful, the first time he went racing with Kimi, to stand under the open sky without his helmet on. To get out of the car after a race and pull it free and look at the world with HIS eyes.

  
When you were outside in the rain, the droplets would run down your visor. Make subtle plip sounds on the top. Keep you warm and dry.

  
When you were in the rain, it fell in your hair and on your skin.

  
Jaamies stood off the window sill and walked out of his room. He untied his shoes one at a time and let them fall in the hallway. He peeled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the stairs. He stepped out of his pants in the foyer.

  
As he walked across the deck, his shorts landed in a heap on the puddled decking.

  
The wooden steps were rough under his bare feet, retaining a thin layer of water like the last moments of a shower. He stepped on the smooth paving stone at the bottom and out into the lawn. The grass felt squeaky under his feet in the wet.

  
The rain pattered on his face. It reminded him of hundreds of little boops on the nose. It fell on his shoulders and it fell on his hands as he raised them in the air, like he could catch the gift of the sky. The wind was cool, but had no bite. It made him feel good.

  
He could feel the rain saturating his hair and dripping down the tendrils onto his face and down the back of his neck.

  
The back door of the house opened.

  
He was too engrossed in the rain on his skin to pay attention to Kimi's approach.

  
His head was back, his eyes on the watery ring of light around the invisible sun. [The rain,] he gestured, over his head, as though he was petitioning the sky.

  
A hand grabbed his arm, but slipped free in the wetness.

  
He turned, to face Kimi's half gestured question.

  
[Have you ever felt the rain?] he asked. He turned back to the sky. He gloried in the soft sensations. In the sky, bringing him water. In the freedom to choose this.

  
Kimi stood still behind him for a long time.

  
One soft thump after another followed Kimi's clothing dropping to the wet grass.


	11. When Triage Works Against You

**When Triage Works Against You**

  
**2005**

 

[How did the car feel?] Kimi was sitting cross legged on the massage table, with Jaamies sitting cross legged facing him.

  
[It felt good, much better than last year, I think we could do very well.]

  
'Kimi?!' Both of them jumped at the loudness of Puma's call.

  
'What is it, Puma? Can you talk to Juan Pablo about it?'

  
'No, he does not understand, he does not believe me.'

  
Kimi and Jaamies exchanged querying looks.

  
'Believe you about what?'

  
'My car is ignoring me! I turn the wheel and she just does whatever she likes. It is as though someone else is steering.'

  
Jaamies, who had been driving a McLaren for the past 4 years, looked down and shook his head at his new teammate's chagrin. 'Puma,' He soothed, 'She is not ignoring you, she is just flighty, you must learn what she wants.'

  
Kimi sat back against the wall and crossed his arms. [So, we'll get back to your session after the "emergency" has passed.]

  
**2010**

  
[I want to DRIVE.] Raver wrung his hands. He pressed them, still clenched tightly around each other, to his face. [I want to be the one in the car with you, Kaj. Why can't we??]

  
Kaj, mouth drawn in agony looked to Kimi and Jaamies and back to his stricken Racing Driver. [We're not...the team doesn't want us like that, they hired us as co-drivers.]

  
Raver threw a glove at Jaamies. [HE gets to drive with you. Kimi and I stand by ourselves and wait for YOU TWO to come back!]

  
Jaamies shrunk away. This was an inevitable confrontation. Maybe it would have been better if it had been Kaj and Raver in the car. Until the inevitable moment of a problem, when the spectators would come forward, and they would be immediately apparent as one human and one non-human. The two pair cross was the only way for Rally Drivers to operate, realistically.

  
It wasn't anyone's fault that Raver didn't get to drive.

  
[YOU spend all your time with MY match,] Raver snarled at him.

  
He frowned an apology and backed away. He was all the time with Raver's match, instead of his own, it was no better for him. At least Raver could TALK to Kimi, Jaamies couldn't tell what Kaj was saying unless he took his eyes off the road to watch him gesturing.

  
'Jaamies, maybe you should just go while we get him calmed down,' Kimi told him.

  
'We're a team...we work better together,' Jaamies murmured.

  
'I know, but this time, just let me handle this.'

  
'Okay, Kimi, I'll do what you say.' He slipped out the door and headed back to his stall alone.

 

  
**2011**

  
'It's too hot.'

  
'I know.'

  
'The water bottle is empty.'

  
'I know, I'll have the crew fill it when you pit.'

  
'I have to stay hydrated.'

  
'Just a few more laps.'

  
'My mouth is dry.'

  
'You're doing good, just keep it together and focus.'

  
'So dry it hurts. My tongue is thick.'

  
'Come on in for your pit stop.'

  
'Make sure they fill the water bottle up.'

  
'I told them.'

  
'Tires done, everything ready?'

  
'Three, Two, One, GO!'

  
'Going!'

  
'Great start, Jaamies.'

  
'...'

  
'What?'

  
'...Kimi, the water bottle is empty again. They didn't fill it all the way.'

  
'It will have to get you through to the next pit stop. I'll really make sure they fill it up full this time. Just be tough, okay?'

  
'Okay, Kimi.'

 

**2012**

  
His stomach hurt. He walked up the stairs to Kimi's stall. The woman wasn't at the house, so he opened the door and walked in. Kimi was in the bathroom with Mancha. Mancha was sitting on the floor, staring disconsolately.

  
Kimi had the haircut kit out. [I'm glad you're here. I need you to help me.]

  
[I don't feel good.]

  
He felt touching into his mind, assessing his level of discomfort. [Alright, I will check you out when we get this done. Felipe can't make it for this week's visit, and Mancha needs his hair cut, he's got a huge wad of gum in it.] Kimi pointed to a mass that had to have been at least 3 pieces of gum.

  
Mancha was totally ignoring both of them. He was pulling at the gunk, but it was just getting in more of his hair.

  
Jaamies reminded himself that Mancha didn't have his man living with them, and he was lonely, and they had a hard relationship even when they were together, so he needed the closeness. Mancha couldn't get that from Kimi, and he wouldn't even let Kimi help him with this. This couldn't wait until Felipe felt like visiting again. He got the haircut kit and knelt down beside the little Red. After pausing a moment to let the nausea die down, he wetted down Mancha's hair. 'It's going to be alright,' he sent, stroking his fingers over Mancha's cheek soothingly.

  
**2014**

 

[I want to go home.] Jaamies hung his head, not looking at Kimi, feeling his response, rather than seeing it. [I want to go home,] he repeated.

  
'We can't, Jaamies, we're not supposed to leave during the race.'

  
He was so tired. The season had just gotten worse, then worse again, then again. His calm was shattered and the only thing keeping it in place was not pushing at it.

  
[I want...] he stopped. There was no point. Kimi was right. They couldn't just leave. The race was still going. A wave of amusement that he believed he might be able to get his needs met flooded through him, followed by a wave of rage that the idea should be so laughable. It washed through him with cold fire and left him empty and heartbroken. He pulled off his helmet.

  
He looked into Kimi's blue green eyes, and sent nothing.

  
There was nothing left to send.

  
Kimi frowned. He took Jaamies by the elbow. [We're going home.]


	12. Spring Kimi's House- 2013

**Spring**   
**Kimi's House- 2013**

  
It was Spring again. Kimi had the garage door open and he and Sunshine were working on one of the go-karts he'd brought home from the indoor track in the warehouse to fix. Kimi was doing the work and Sunshine was consulting. He was not interested in the actual mechanical work. He was interested in working with Kimi to tune the machine perfectly, though.

  
Jaamies and Rabbit were playing one on one football. Sunshine and Rabbit had finally learned to be in the same room without having clashes, so they were both allowed to speak freely to anyone. Alondra was grubbing around in the dirt under one of the bushes.

  
Rabbit lined up a shot at the space between the two fence posts that had been painted red for a goal. Jaamies dashed forward to steal the ball. Rabbit's hasty shot flew wide. They both gasped at the football headed for the oblivious Alondra.

  
He moved 6 inches to the right and the ball missed his face by 2 inches and bounced off the bush into the place he was working. He turned around with a little snarl and pointed with both hands at the ground in front of him.

  
Relief that he hadn't actually smashed his friend with the football overcame Rabbit's worry. [You're too close to the track!] Rabbit gestured.

  
Jaamies followed the ball over by Alondra. The little Driver picked it up and flung it to him.

  
[You can go anywhere!] Alondra gestured back.

  
Jaamies tucked the ball under his arm and touched him on the shoulder.

  
[The finish line is HERE,] Rabbit pointed at the goal.

  
Alondra frowned, he stood up and brushed his knees off. He walked to the other side of the yard. After awhile he started carefully picking twigs off the ends of the tree branches.

  
Jaamies bounced the ball on his toe a few times.

  
[Are you alright?] He gestured to Rabbit.

  
[Yes,] Rabbit flicked.

  
Jaamies bounced the ball on his knee.

  
[I'm just angry, he thinks that since I'm leaving Redbull, I'm safe and I should just be glad it's over.]

  
Jaamies bounced the ball back to his toe. [Aren't you?] He kicked the ball in a high arc to Rabbit.

  
He moved under the ball and chest bumped it, bouncing it on his toe when it came down again. [Since I've been able to talk about what happened there, and how bad things have been with Sunshine, I realize how angry I am. Leaving Redbull isn't going to change that.] He kept the ball bouncing on his toe.

  
Alondra ran out of twigs in his reach, he stood on his tiptoes and pulled some of the higher branches down to where he could get them.

  
[I can't go home to my family anymore, if I want to stay safe. Redbull made it too hard for Sunshine and I to live with each other, but if we get along, it doesn't fix anything. You and Mark and Kimi stopped it from happening, but if I go back they will just keep hurting me!] He kicked the ball high. [They hurt Sunshine, too, and the others. I have to go away, but it just keeps happening. No one has EVER,] The ball came down and he bounced it on his knee, [Made,] He chest bumped it, [Them,] He headed it, [STOP!] He kicked the ball as hard as he could at the goal marked on the fence. The fence juddered with the impact. The football bounced off and rolled across the garden.

  
Jaamies looked at the house. The back door by the kitchen had opened. Mark was standing there. He looked so sad. He had responded to Rabbit's turmoil and come from the breakfast table where he'd been doing paperwork to see.

  
Rabbit stalked toward the house. [Why hasn't anyone stopped them, Mark?] He stopped in front of his man and they pressed their foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes, hands caged around each other's faces. Mark shook his head. [I don't know.]

  
Alondra watched them. He let go of the branch in his hand. He looked at his handfull of twigs. He clutched them to his chest and walked up the side yard, out of sight.

  
When Mark and Rabbit had gone into the house, Jaamies trotted across the yard and picked up the football. He tossed it gently onto the deck, where he would remember to bring it in when he went.

  
Then he crossed the bumpy groundcover to the base of the tree Alondra had been trimming. The lowest branch came from the trunk just beyond where he could reach. He tested his shoe against the bark. Then he pushed off the trunk of the tree, but instead of pushing away, he pushed up. He caught the branch with both hands and before his momentum could start pulling him back down, he heaved and lifted himself up to get his belly over the top of the branch.

  
He took a breath. He swung both legs and hiked himself further up, getting his knee on the branch as well. It was a big tree, the branch was bigger than his hands and Sunshines could have circled. He straddled the branch and studied the pattern of branches above him. There was a big trunk in the middle, with branches coming out sideways all the way up. He stood and hung onto the trunk, stepping up and across a space to the next branch up.

  
From here he could hop up to another, higher branch. Then there were some closer together he could use like a big staircase spiraling around the tree. He was nearly back above the lowest branch now, but about 3 of his height above the ground. He looked down. Maybe 4.

  
The branches were MUCH smaller, here. He could probaby circle them with just his hands. They were angling up away from the trunk. He could feel them swaying with his weight. He was moving with the sway, keeping a hand on the next branch up to keep steady. He laughed and bounced the branch a little. He climbed another level up.

  
There were the ends of the lower branches, here, the twigs that would be covered in leaves in a few more weeks. He sidestepped out to where his branch divided in two. He steadied himself with one hand and began snapping twigs off the ends of the branches around him. He tucked them into his balance hand as he went.

  
When his left hand was full enough of twigs that it was getting hard to hold the branch above him tightly with just his fingertips, he started to think about tucking them into his jeans pockets.

  
There was an alarmed rev below him.

  
Alondra was at the bottom of the tree. [What are you DOING?!]

  
He waved. He tried to say, [I can see my stable from here,] but it required both hands, the handful of sticks interfered with the signs. He reached down to stuff the twigs in his back pocket, but twisting to reach made the branch sway. He threw his hand up to grab the branch above him again. His hand was too full of twigs to get purchase on it. He overbalanced and the branch swayed the otherway, boucing unpredictably. His fingertips scrabbled on the bark, held for a moment, and then pulled away as he pitched over to the other side.

  
He became light as the branch swiped out from under him.

  
_Ten seasons old. Wearing all black. He lost his balance on the top of the wall around the exercise yard. He had hit the top with his belly, caught his fingers on the far edge. Turned and grinned up into the white helmet staring down at him. Giggled and swung himself back up to safety. Bumped back into his own body, reached down with white gloves to the little Black suited Racing Driver laughing about the near miss. He sat beside him and they laughed._

  
Falling out of the tree, 25 years later, he remembered.

  
He opened his hand. He would need his full grip if it was going to be any use. The twigs fell away. There was a branch to his left. If he grabbed it, he wouldn't be able to get a tight enough grip to hold himself when the weight of his body hit his arm. The next branch was below him. He twisted to the side, so he would land across it. He extended his arms.

  
When he felt the bark touch his hands, he absorbed the impact, slowing himself greatly before his belly hit. He clutched the branch and when his legs swung down and tried to pull him off, he controlled the swing and hung on tight.

  
The breath pushed out of his lungs when he crashed into the branch and he closed his eyes against the pain. It took a few deep, painful tries before he could gasp in another breath, and the exhale was a sob. The next inhale and the next were more controlled, though and he gradually found he could breathe again without it being agony. He opened his eyes and looked down. He was still easily 3 of his height off the ground. That was better than on the ground, from the height he'd been. He'd actually only fallen a litte more than his own height.

  
He'd fallen. Fallen out of a tree.

  
Like Gimmie had fallen off the wall.

  
Gimmie.

  
Gimmie caught himself, Jaamies had been with him, pulled into his brother by the fear.

  
He'd been saved by remembering Gimmie's quick thinking. Saved by Gimmie.

  
He laughed. He looked down at Alondra. [That was close!] He laughed again.

  
[You fell out of a tree!] Alondra yelled back in big gestures.

  
[No, I am still in the tree, I just found a quick way down.] He swung his legs and got himself fully up on his branch.

  
[Take the slow way the rest of the way down.] Alondra directed.

  
Jaamies was inclined to obey. He eased himself down the rest of the way. He dropped the last body length and threw his hands up. [And that's the show!] He plucked a twig out of Alondra's hair. [You saved my project, thank you.]

  
[I couldn't help it, they rained down over me.]

  
He presented him with the twig and indicated the others on the ground. [I tried to bring this for you, but I got distracted.]

  
[You climbed all that way up there to get me twigs? You could have died, falling that far.]

  
He looked up and figured out which branch he'd fallen from. [No, it would have hurt very much, but I would still be alive.]

  
[Maybe, but broken or unmovable.]

  
He shrugged. [Didn't happen. Doesn't count.]

  
Sunshine came walking through the garage door rapidly, followed by Kimi. [Are you alright? Did you just fall out of a tree?!]

  
[I didn't fall OUT of the tree.]

  
[Are you alright?] Kimi demanded.

  
As if he were a medical expert, Sunny stepped up and started checking Jaamies out with his hands. He lifted Jaamies shirt to where the red bruise would form soon.

  
Jaamies pushed his shirt down. [I'm fine. Surprised and sore, but fine.]

  
He pressed his thumbs downward on his cheeks to check his eyes. 'I saw what you saw,' he sent, quietly so only Jaamies could hear. 'Are you alright?'

  
In all seriousness, he nodded. It was an old pain. He could remember Gimmie, now and be happy for the times they'd been happy. 'He saved me. Reminded me that even close calls can be fun.'

  
Sunshine searched his eyes. 'Will you tell Kimi?'

  
'Yes.'

  
Sunshine turned briskly to Alondra. [Now that you have all these lovely twigs, will you show me what you will do with them?] He put his arm around Alondra's shoulders and stooped to gather up the sticks.

  
[I will give them to Rabbit to make him feel better. We had an argument...]

  
Jaamies turned to Kimi. 'I need to talk.'

  
'About Gimmie?' He'd seen it, too and his face was warm with sympathy at his partner's tight lipped nod.

  
Tears were rising in Jaamies' eyes. Not for sadness, for love. For how much he had loved the other little colt who had so long been a part of his life. For how wonderful and brave he had been. For his laughter. For how deeply and truly grateful he was that he'd had him at all.


	13. Experiment Mercedes/McLaren/Manor Temporary Stable (Code name: The North Pole)- 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after the Racing Drivers have all been freed, while Kimi and Jaamies are staying at the refugee camp the Top Gear/Grand Tour Crew has set up until the Racing Drivers can be legally recognized as an intelligent species.

**Experiment**  
**Mercedes/McLaren/Manor Temporary Stable (Code name: The North Pole)- 2016**

  
They'd moved their cots to the far end of the hangers, where at least some of the unmatched RD's were out of Kimi's range. They were laying on them in some of their rare, absolutely precious downtime, neither able to sleep. It was noon, and they'd been up for 20 hours. Kimi was staring at the ceiling, Jaamies was trying to nestle into the hard cot enough to make it cozy.

  
'I'm different, aren't I?' Kimi asked.

  
Jaamies rolled from his back to his belly and propped his chin on his elbow to look at the thin, baggy eyed man his partner had become over the weeks in this place. They never talked about IT. A few terse sentences immediately after they'd realized it, years and years and years ago, when their relationship had been young, but that was it. It was what was, and they didn't discuss it. Why was he bringing it up, now? He couldn't reject Kimi's desire to air it, after all this time. He hoped it wouldn't hurt him. 'Yes,' he whispered.

  
'Why?' He didn't sound plaintive, he didn't sound angry, he sounded Kimi, he sounded calm. 'Because you are?'

  
'Yes.'

  
'When you...changed me when we bonded?'

  
'Yes.'

  
'You...' He gestured vaguely, not even signs, just waving hands. 'What?'

  
'I made a connection any Racing Driver can connect to, not just me. Not on purpose. I didn't know I was doing it.'

  
'You've been trying to found out what you did that was different? At all the stables.'

  
'Yes.'

  
'You found out.'

  
'I did. I can't change it, Kimi.'

  
'I know.'

  
Jaamies watched the muscles in his face move. Waited.

  
'I get lonely for you.' The little muscles under Kimi's eyes were tight.

  
'I'm always here.'

  
Kimi turned his head and looked at him, now. 'We've never been alone together. A few times, in all these years, when you were at home and no one else was staying, but never otherwise. I've never been able to spend a full race weekend with you without interuptions. I get lonely for time alone with you.'

  
There was pain on his face.

  
'Even more here, where you can't get away.' There was only one human the unmatched Racing Drivers felt comfortable with.

  
'We know I can't influence Racing Drivers with closed connections. That thing Sunshine did to Rabbit,'

  
'No,' Jaamies didn't let him finish. 'I'm not doing that to you.'

  
'You've closed my connection to other Racing Drivers before.'

  
'No, I divert them, there is a difference.'

  
'That bubble is different?'

  
'That bubble would be mentally crippling you. Rabbit didn't hate it because it was pleasant. You wouldn't be able to get out if I put you into it, and you are not a Racing Driver, if I block your ability to hear Racing Drivers like that, I block your ability to hear me. Rabbit's ability to hear us is inborn. Your ability to hear us is part of your connection with me.'

  
'I'm not a Racing Driver. What makes our connection different?'

  
'Any Racing Driver can connect to it,' Jaamies told him, again.

  
'Felipe blocked out Mancha.'

  
Jaamies just responded with a wave of offended pride.

  
'Why can't I learn to block out part of my connection? Just the part that lets in others?'

  
'How?'

  
'I don't know, but we've got plenty of time to practice.'

  
'It may not work if a strong Driver wants to get in.'

  
'Fortunately I've got you to test for us. We can ask Sugarboy, too.'

  
\--

  
Seven stared at Kimi. [You want me to try to take you over? I can't do that, you're not my match. I could do it to Stoffel, but it's rude.]

  
[Try it like you would on another Driver,] Jaamies told him.

  
[That's just it, I wouldn't try it on another Driver,] Seven frowned.

  
[You would if you were asked, and we're asking. Just don't do anything to hurt him.]

  
Jaamies was sitting on the cot with Kimi sitting between his legs, pressed against his chest, the Racing Driver's arms around him, supporting him.

  
[Alright.] Seven sounded unsure, but he pushed himself into Kimi's mind. Kimi's mouth dropped open and his eyes closed.

  
"No.." He raised his hands a little.

  
Seven pulled away.

  
Jaamies stroked Kimi's face. It was cold suddenly. [It's alright, it's alright, he didn't hurt you.]

  
Kimi nodded. [I could see what he was doing.]

  
[He's going to do it again, alright, Kimi? Relax and just watch.]

  
The younger Driver pushed forward again.

  
Jaamies could feel the unfamiliar feel of him inside Kimi's mind. [You feel him, Kimi?] No response. Jaamies tried sending. 'Feel him, Kimi?'

  
'Yes, it's like your touch, but it's not you,' he sent back weakly.

  
Jaamies nodded and Seven stopped again.

  
[This time, try to keep him out.] He stroked the back of Kimi's neck.

  
He felt Kimi brace himself, focusing on who he was, so he couldn't lose control of himself.

  
It had no effect on Seven pushing into his mind. Except this time he cried out and thrashed his head from side to side.

  
'Keep fighting him, make him go.'

  
'I can't...he's too strong to push back.'

  
After a moment of ineffectual struggle, during which, Kimi broke out in a cold sweat, Seven stepped away again.

  
[He's a human...] Sugarboy observed.

  
[Yes, thank you, Sugarboy, that's a good insight,] Seven flicked.

  
Sugarboy raised an eyebrow and leaned on Seven, battering away the young stallion's defenses with the ease of a Champion against a rookie. [I can do this to you, easily, because I am as much stronger than you are as you are stronger than a human. You cannot do this to any human buy your own match and Kimi, can you? None of us can.]

  
[Yes...?] Jaamies stopped mopping Kimi's brow for a moment to encourage Sugarboy to continue with his thought. Kimi turned his head to the side and moaned, glassy eyed, fingers kneeding at Jaamies' forearm.

  
[Why is he different than other humans? Why can we even feel him?]

  
[Because he has this huge, gaping connection that any of us can attach to,] Jaamies said, [We know this already.]

  
[He is not JUST a connection into nowhere, we can all feel him without making a direct connection. He sends and receives.]

  
Jaamies and Seven exchanged glances. [He was right,] Jaamies gestured. [It's something he has to do himself.] He nodded to Seven.

  
Kimi writhed. [No..No more...Please, Jaamies, don't let him do it, again.] His fingers tightened around his partner's forearm.

  
[Shh, shh, we're going to try one more thing, love.]

  
Kimi went stiff against him, he tried to stand, but his legs weren't obeying him. Jaamies held him still.

  
[He can't work like that,] Sugarboy leaned close to look at Kimi's pale face.

  
[Does he need a nap?] Seven suggested.

  
He had slumped a long way down on the cot and Jaamies pulled him up to look in his eyes. They were a little pink, but otherwise, fine. [Now, listen, we need you to pull yourself together for one more shot. Remember, Kimi, you're human. Just be human.]

  
This time when the pressure came he just winced and moaned uncomfortably. [Hurts. Jaamies. Hurts. Please.] He closed his fingers hard around Jaamies' bicep, [I'll be good.]

  
That was what alarmed Jaamies. He pushed Seven away, hovered outside Kimi's mind, not sure how much of his own contact would make Kimi hurt, but Kimi reached out and pulled him into himself. His head flopped back onto Jaamies' shoulder, but inside he was shaking and trying to clench his fists.

  
[Alright, we'll take a break. If you're not ready for this, we'll give you a moment.]

  
[Break,] Kimi gestured, turning his face to Jaamies' chest. He shivered. Kimi's fingers painted up and down Jaamies' bicep.

  
Jaamies soothed him, slowly, without forcing a change in his feelings, just cosseting and praising his strength in enduring so much. 'You are good. My good boy. Just relax. Shhh. We didn't hurt you. You were so strong. You did very well. I'm proud of you.'

  
'Hurt.'

  
How could it have hurt? The connection was the same one Racing Drivers always used. Kimi had endured actual attacks, and fared better than this. What was keeping him from resisting Seven's pressure?

  
'Don't worry. We'll find a way to make this work. Don't worry.' Jaamies stroked his face until he fell asleep, and then lay against him. As he slept, his fingers didn't stop working over Jaamies' bicep. Poor Kimi. Jaamies didn't want this process to be hard on him.

  
\--

  
Jensen was staring at him in the breakfast line.

  
Sausage links, cooked spinach, and oatmeal. Jaamies passed up the oatmeal. He had learned in the years at Kimi's house that his body didn't react well to grain based foods. Some, but not much. Greens and proteins. After all this time it turned out the stables knew at least some of what they were doing. He craved the protein, even more now that he was putting on muscle, but some of what he ate came off Kimi's tray, even now that replacement supplies had arrived, mysteriously, on a truck all the RD's had heard coming in the middle a night, a few weeks ago.

  
Maybe it wasn't fair to be building muscle when there was hunger, but that wasn't why Jensen was staring at him.

  
[I notice you are staring at me,] Jaamies broached the subject casually.

  
[Kimi spends a lot of time working with all the other Drivers. When you're at the tracks, you spend a LOT of time with Sebastian and Sunshine. Reds are good at facilitating emotions. Who is doing that for you, here?]

  
Jaamies's heart clenched. He didn't think it was obvious, Bright Blues were second best after Reds at helping with emotion, Jensen matched Sugarboy very well. Straightforward and empathetic.

  
The man looked down into his bowl of oatmeal and stirred it. [You come with me after breakfast.]

  
Sugarboy came and sat down across from Jaamies, reached across the table and held his hand.

  
[You have been running experiments on Kimi,] Jensen said after the session. [I'd like you to tell me about that.]

  
Caught. Uh oh. Jaamies breathed himself calm. [Kimi hears us. You know. He has since we matched. He can't stop hearing. No privacy. We are trying to find a way.]

  
Jensen made a considering face. [He can't block them out?] He conferenced with Sugarboy for a moment, getting a clearer understanding of the problem. [I have an idea that might help you. From what I understand a connection is a door, and most matches have doors only their Racing Drivers can get into. Kimi is a door any Racing Driver can get through. Racing Drivers are better locksmiths than Kimi can ever build a lock. That just means locking the door isn't the answer. You don't need to reinforce the door. You need a door no one can FIND. Instead of turning him into a tank, turn him invisible.]

  
Jaamies's mouth dropped open. [I know how to DO that!] He cupped his hands around Jensen's face, then Suagarboy's. [I will be back for another session in a few days. Now I must go make my match vanish.]

  
He stood and went to Kimi's cot. Kimi was lying bonelessly on his back, mouth slightly open. He had a beanie on his head, keeping out the cool hanger air. When he came close, a feeling of such love flooded him, he had to gather his wits. He stretched out beside his other self on the cot. Kimi was sleeping so deeply that he didn't even move. Jaamies stroked his cheek. Stubbled with almost invisible blonde hair.

  
There were pictures floating across Kimi's mind. Dreams. Jaamies ignored these, stepping into Kimi's mind and going to the place where his mind touched the rest of the world, the voices and feelings of Racing Drivers drifting in as irresistibly as the dream pictures. He diverted the connections. So only he was touching the man's mind.

  
He imagined a landscape of snow. Ice as far as the eye could see, as far as the heart could ever travel. This was the emptiness outside everyone's minds.

  
He circled Kimi's mind, building a wall of white ice blocks. Ice that would hide Kimi. Make him seem exactly like another part of the emptiness. Make Racing Driver minds pass over him, slip off him.

  
He left a space in the wall the exact size and shape of his own connection.

  
He stood in the silence inside the igloo. Except it wasn't silent. It was full of Kimi's thoughts, his emotions, his dreams, bits and pieces of songs, information his body was sending to him. His brain going about it's business, for once, uninterrupted.

  
It was not full of the constant chatter of Racing Drivers. It was just full of Kimi, and, as a quiet visitor, Jaamies.

  
He sat down in the mental landscape and watched Kimi's dreams. They were lovely, nonsense pictures and feelings.

  
After awhile, they started to dissolve.

  
Kimi arrived beside him, noticing him as he awoke. In his mind, he stood beside his Racing Driver. 'It is so quiet.'

  
'I found a way to do it.' Jaamies propped his elbows on his knees. They were quiet, just being Jaamies and Kimi.

  
They listened to a bit of a song he remembered from a long time ago. He laughed. 'I forgot I knew that song. It's hard to hear, with everything else going on. Will I be able to do this myself?'

  
'I will teach you how.' He looked up at his human and beamed. 'Now that we have some privacy, maybe we can spend some time with just us? Get to know each other again?'

  
Outside, he felt Kimi's arm tighten around his body. 'I would love to spend time with just you.'

  
'I've been waiting, for a long time.'

**Author's Note:**

> Real People don't belong to me.
> 
> This story is fiction and is no reflection on anyone in it. The story does belong to me, as does the AU in which it is set.


End file.
